i feel your whisper across the sea
i keep you with me in my heart
you make it easier when life gets hard, oh
lucky i'm in love with my best friend
lucky to have been where i have been
lucky to be coming home again.
soooo, i was wrong about ash apparently.
and apparently i agreed to go out to lunch with him in a couple of weekends time.
and i apparently asked him to be my formal backup, which i can tell i am going to be obliged to change to formal date.
and apparently... i like him.
and i am the most frustrating person, i know.
but i can't think of him like w.
i like him well enough, sure.
i'd rather go out with him than any of my other guy friends, sure.
but i imagine kissing him, or hugging him, or even just holding his hand..
and i get a little creeped out.
w, i imagined so much. i thought he was the one.
ash... is ash.
he went out with my best friend! and sure, they didnt do much, and neither of them care about that or eachother anymore, but it still kinda creeps me out.
and i know the whole time i'll be comparing him to w.
even if he pays, like w didnt.
even if there are no awkward pauses in our conversation.
even if he makes me feel so much better than w even tried.
he wont and doesn't have w's.... w-NESS.
w's eyes, and smile, and the way he could look at me with that teasing look that just spun my stomach round. his voice, his laugh, his smell.
(though apparently ash smells really good 
)
his knowing what to say. the way he could make me blush. his texts when i was falling asleep. the way he called me gorgeous. the way small talk meant everything. the way every dream was about him, and about us. the way simple things like snow or cars could come to mean so much more than life itself to me.
i... don't know if ash could ever be like that.
but ash is so much more... accesible.
w is as close to me, as within my grasp, as a raindrop on the outside of a window.
and he hates me.
i know he does.
he'd have to.
xx