Rubber Ducks and Yellow Converse

i want to be more than a phone call at four am
seems like every time you come back home
its just to steal my heart
and leave.

i love the way we fit together.
i love how his neck is soft, and his cheek is rough.
i love his eyelashes and how they make him look so cute.
i love the way everyone says he's always talking about me.
i love the way he slides his tongue into my mouth.
i love the way his lips embrace mine.
i love the way he holds me close.
i love the way he says my name.
i love the way he rubs my arm.
i love the way he winks and jokes.
i love every kiss.
i love the way his hair curls around his face.
i love how his heart is so loud, and so strong i can feel it when i lie on his chest.
i love his yellow sofa.
i love our first kiss.
i love the colour of his eyes.
i love the letters he sends me.
i love his illegible handwriting, his awful spelling.
i love his enthusiasm.
i love the way he can suggest something, and i dont feel nervous at all.
i love the way he holds my hand in both of his.
i love the way he plays with my hands and fingers.
i love the way he takes my hand and kisses each finger like its the most precious thing in the world.
i love his dad cracking awful jokes.
i love his mum. she had breast cancer last year. she is the most amazing person.
i love his sister, even though she doesnt know it. shes my idol.
i love his baby lips.
i love his clicking shoes.
i love his old navy shirt, and
i love his new sunglasses.
i love his love for his bike.
i love the way he loves the way i love the way he buys me things for no reason.
i love bow.
i love gunther.
i love the way he makes fun of me: MARIE!
i love how his room is so ridiculously tidy.
i love the way we walked around til my feet bled into claire's jeans.
i love the way i stopped him.
i love the way he held me.
i love the way the stars were out above us and it felt like we were alone.
i love his smell and the way it drives me crazy.
i love his obsession with teddy bears.
i love the way he says 'pwn'.
i love the way i can be with him and silence means more than anything.
i love that he

this time i mean it
i'm coming clean
please dont let go
i said from the start
that you could take it or leave it
i'd prefer that you keep it
don't let go
don't let go

apologies for lack of writing, my dear readerlests. i wrote three or so posts, but for some reason instead of publishing, they saved themeselves, unfinished, into my drafts. so i'll finish them up and polish them off and have them here soon.
watch this space :O
as many exciting things have happened.

i have had this idea. if anyone reads like, one or two of my posts and finds any of it remotely interesting or worth reading (and i know some people must read more than one of my posts, because i have had less visitors than page views, and my page views have been going up. this may just be coincidence) please could you leave a comment? i'd so much like that.
the only comments i have had are from those scammer people and i'd so much like to think that what i write is worth a little bit more than that.
even if your message is a slightly abusive one aimed at my apparently undying love for a certain member of the male species starting with w.
(a quick note on that: it is ALL OVER! yay!)
i'd just love to know that someone, somewhere out there has actually spent time reading something that i've written.
thanks!
more posts soon. and photographs!
xx

has taken its toll on me
and she's said goodbye
too many times before

her heart is breaking
in front of me
but i have no choice
i won't say goodbye any more.

hazza my dear readers.

guess what i got me last weekend? a boyfriend. i know, right?
so, i was at skyfire, woo! oh. wait.
so last friday i was in maths and my throat started hurting like an absolute arse and i was like dayum. and then by the end of maths, my nose was running, i had a headache and my throat was not allowing me to speak without a large degree of pain. mw was staying over that night, and we were staying after school coz we had some house thing on and we were gonna do homework first, and so we did and then she came back to mine. you know what i discovered? my mattress is too big for my bedframe (i've had it like three years) and is on a TILT. so every time i try to sleep on one edge of my bed i roll back down to the other. odd. i laughed.
anyway, i had the most godawful night's sleep imaginable. haha mw woke up in the middle of the night and she sits up and yells out 'WHERE AM I?!?' and then i was like and then she's like oh, its ok, i thought i was at carly's house. and then she fell back to sleep and had no recollection the next day. its quite hilarious.
anyway, the next day my head was killing me and i felt like throwing up, my nose wouldnt stop running and my throat was dying but it was SKYFIRE. i couldnt miss out on SKYFIRE! so i had to pretend i felt fine, went to tennis, picked up nw and on the way to mw's, got incredibly car sick. but after throwing up, all g.
sat on mw's couch, watched she and nw play cards, slept, felt better.
got to skyfire. friends on other side of lake.
went over other side of lake. sat down for a while, left to find shb.
failed in mission, returned.
sat next to ashley
slowly everyone starts (unknowingly apparently) moving away. soon his arm is around me and my head is on his shoulder. the fireworks start and he and i sit and talk and it feels so right.
afterwards we're hugging and acting like a couple and soon enough he asks me out: we're making it official
it was the most amazing night of my life. he was so warm and i felt so safe against him.
i dont want him to ever leave me.
ever.
if anything like what happened with w happens with ashley i think i would collapse.
x

i feel your whisper across the sea
i keep you with me in my heart
you make it easier when life gets hard, oh

lucky i'm in love with my best friend
lucky to have been where i have been
lucky to be coming home again.

soooo, i was wrong about ash apparently.
and apparently i agreed to go out to lunch with him in a couple of weekends time.
and i apparently asked him to be my formal backup, which i can tell i am going to be obliged to change to formal date.
and apparently... i like him.

and i am the most frustrating person, i know.
but i can't think of him like w.
i like him well enough, sure.
i'd rather go out with him than any of my other guy friends, sure.
but i imagine kissing him, or hugging him, or even just holding his hand..
and i get a little creeped out.
w, i imagined so much. i thought he was the one.
ash... is ash.
he went out with my best friend! and sure, they didnt do much, and neither of them care about that or eachother anymore, but it still kinda creeps me out.
and i know the whole time i'll be comparing him to w.
even if he pays, like w didnt.
even if there are no awkward pauses in our conversation.
even if he makes me feel so much better than w even tried.

he wont and doesn't have w's.... w-NESS.
w's eyes, and smile, and the way he could look at me with that teasing look that just spun my stomach round. his voice, his laugh, his smell.
(though apparently ash smells really good )
his knowing what to say. the way he could make me blush. his texts when i was falling asleep. the way he called me gorgeous. the way small talk meant everything. the way every dream was about him, and about us. the way simple things like snow or cars could come to mean so much more than life itself to me.
i... don't know if ash could ever be like that.
but ash is so much more... accesible.
w is as close to me, as within my grasp, as a raindrop on the outside of a window.
and he hates me.
i know he does.
he'd have to.
xx

with my best friend
good song (Y)

but honestly?
LOL. ash is gonna ask bridgit out.
so SNAP and there we go again...

are you listeninggggg?
are you listeninggg?
as the days...

In Pride and Prejudice, Austen invites the reader to examine a number of marriages and forthcoming marriages. From your reading, what do you think she regards as the elements of an ideal marriage? Refer to at least three marriages.

Jane Austen’s novel, Pride and Prejudice, delves deep into which elements produce an ideal marriage through the examination of several marriages, focussing in particular on one family; the Bennetts. Pride and Prejudice gives the reader examples of both ideal and completely unsuitable marriages, according to her ideals. Austen’s idea of a perfect marriage has three main characteristics: love, sustainability through income and a knowledge of one another’s faults, as well as a respect for them. Elizabeth Bennett, Austen’s heroine, finds all of these in her marriage with Darcy; many marriages throughout the novel, however, are lacking in at least one of these ideals.

Austen regards love as one of the main elements crucial to an ideal marriage; she does, however, acknowledge that a satisfactory marriage can be made without the presence of love. Elizabeth refuses Mr Collin’s proposal on the basis that she does not love him –insert refusal quote here- and then again, she refuses Mr Darcy on the same foundation- insert quote here. When she finally accepts Mr Darcy, it is for the most part due to the fact that she has come to love him after realising and accepting his faults. Charlotte Lucas, however, has far less romantic ideals in finding a husband, asking only ‘a comfortable home’. She does not seek love in matrimony, and is convinced that her ‘chance of happiness with him [Mr. Collins] is as fair as most people can boast on entering on the marriage state’..

can somebody PLEASE HELP ME.
this is pure waffle, absolute crap.
i neeed help

xx

from the first time
i set my eyes
upon yours

ashley- escape the fate
Shadows fall on yesterday,
its like time just slips away.
I'm nothing, when darkness follows me.
The dawn, it never shows its head.
I'm left dying here instead with nothing,
a lock without a key.

I've got purpose once again.
I've got purpose once again.

it is love
from the first time
i pressed my lips
against yours
thinking of
is this love?

aloha, my wonderful readers, of which there are none.
not much has been going on in my uneventful life.
i ran into a tree the other day, which was unfortunate. my head started bleeding.
basically, i was looking at the ground and i was walking under this branch. and i must have bent down or something, but i stood up really incredibly quickly and smashed my head against the branch. i still have a lump!
got my maths test back, not good. 67%ish. so i am not going to inform the parentals of this.
i am wearing my high-waisted shorts and enjoying them immensely.
i got TEN WHOLE SONGS yesterday. :O:O. i know, right. splurge much? lol.
have been madly obsessed with facebook lately so i really need to get off it, but i honestly could not be stuffed to do my assignments etc.
but i need to do my art sculptures, so the plan is to meander off once i have finished writing this to find some natural objects, and maybe write some of essay also. bloody teacher's changed the due date for draft, gah.
apparently jq has had an argument with w about ME. dayum. and why he broke up with me. apparently keeping his mouth shut though. like honestly, i dont have enough courage to go and ask him myself, BUT
a) i am NOT asking people to do this for me, i'd rather not know than act that immature
b) i don't know if i want to know
c) i forgot my final point, but it was the one that woulda brought this baby home. psshh.
d) its been six months, awkward much?

so i've written 2800 words in this, and none in my essay. JUST TODAY. ridiculous.
pretty excited about my formal. few more months though.
ok i have to go its gonna get dark.

OH. WE GOT THE PAMPHLETS FOR OUR LATIN TRIP TO ITALY TODAY. friggin hyperexcited. yaaaay.
that is all.
adeui.

and willll. hahahahaha.
im sorry, not my fault. but kinda makes me lol (:
and i miss you. you were one of my two best friends ever.
i want my best friend back.
xx

you can take back your memories
they're no good to me

i am just going to make a list of music i will be wanting to buy presently.
i usually pride myself on having an alternative taste in music, but i think you'll find a lot of mainstream music on, mostly coz i havent been listening to it much.

-right round- flo rider
-both of the whole alright, still and its not me, its you albums- lily allen
-gives you hell- all-american rejects
-you found me- the fray
-get shaky- ian carey project
-rock & roll- eric hutchinson
-lucky - jason mraz ft colbie callait
-more jessie baylin
-the juno soundtrack
-anything by imogen heap
-the fratellis
-a story to tell your friends- every avenue
-i don't do surprises- axel whitehead
-can't shake it- kate miller-hiedke
-goodnight, nurse
-anberlin
-moremoremoremoremore jack johnson
-jack's mannequin
-thinking of you- katy perry (i know, i know, i hate her too. but i like this one)
-someone so much- bob evans
-don't chase me- shea fisher
-raise the alarm- the living end
-trouble trouble- the potbelleez
- red jumpsuite apparatus
-funeral for a friend
-taking back sunday
-the pigeon detectives
-the age of understatement (album) - the last shadow puppets
-more artic monkeys
-franz ferdinand (just a little)

and there was another one, something about airplanes or something, but i cannot recall at present moment.

etc etc, the list goes on, but i am still putting off my essay and thus must now delve deep into the marriages of pride and prejudice, hoping to fine one which jane austen may describe as ideal.
woot.

xx

gotta gotta be down
because
i want it all,
it started out with a kiss,
how did it end up like this?
it was only a kiss...
it was only a kiss.

lots of stuff's been happening lately.

i have developed a deep and unerring love for see how i run by jessie baylin, and i'd add a video but alas can't work out how

we got a new puppy!

i may have mentioned earlier that my friend's dog had puppies, and we got george. kinda one of the cutest things ever. i have renamed him george puddle the hulk because he is a fox terrier, and is thus tiny, (especially as we have a massive dog as well) and because he puddles everywhere- he picks up water in his mouth and then dribbles it around the house. at the moment he's asleep on the the other couch, and now he's getting up and looking at me.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh georgeattacks!x0999gvtfrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
and now he's outside :]
and barking loudly (N)

laura now no longer likes anyone
and ash does not like bridgit
and im thinking im gonna ask him to be my formal backup. so that's alllll g.

i got the most awesome new shorts in the whole world on tuesday.
one pair is american eagle, and they look a BIT like this -
and the other pair are just from jay jays, but they're high waisted denim and i love love love them
much alike to the shorts in this picture (im sorry, cant really find any on google images lol)

anywayy. this weekend's the long weekend and im really quite cut coz all my friends are going shopping/ APKing/ movieing and i cant go coz its my mum's birthday and tuesday and she wants to have a BBQ, and i have to be there and brads gonna be there. and i dont want to talk to brad because i dislike him very much atm, and he asked his girlfriend to marry him after a month and a half, thus i cannot take him seriously.
so im gonna call millie soon, my socialisation for the day. weekend. and i have riding tomorrow, and on monday the dreaded BBQ and i would much rather be out buying a white shirt because i am in desperate need. and coz i want to see ash, and i hardly see millie outside of school and i'd just convinced her to come.

ahhh my banana bread is burning!
its ok. not burnt, slightly browner than usual but not black phew.
love banana bread yaaay.
i've got a whole lot of unwanted homework i should probably get on with too, but i honestly could not be bothered.
i have to write an english essay by wednesday
so i will get started on that.
OH! and i am doing a history assignment on millie's greatx5 grandmother's sister, which i may have already mentioned, and here is a picture of her front gate, thing.

ok, am off.
wish luck :L

xx

woohoooty (:

nothing much's been happening lately.
there was a brumbies game on the weekend, but i couldn't go. it was ok though, coz i didn't really want to go with la and ey, and mw and an were gonna be with gr and st, who i don't know that well, so i was like stuff it. then aneale said he wasnt going, so i'm kinda glad i didnt.
maybe next time lol

and then it was the show, which was awesome fun. i rode annie and she was a little tense, but i got an eighth, a second and a fourth, and the classes were quite large, so i was pleased.
and i also went around the show, and i went on a proper ride! YESS! i went on the music trip. although not quite as scary as some of the others, i was proud.

so yeah. be proud (Y)
i went round with my other friend lpe and her boyfriend mit, who i also went to primary school with. he's pretty rad. they went on thiis meeegggaaa huge ride, and there are no pictures but they were like spun around and upside down and aaahhhh! it was scary :L

anyway have to go do the horses.
shall speak to you at a later date!

xx

friggin hilarious.
i swear, i haven't done a thing to you. i cant work out what happened, what i did wrong, but whatever it is, you're overreacting.

an played cricket against w yesterday. i can't believe he did this, but he went up to w and was like 'are you ever going to talk to her again?' (awkward) and you know what w said?

no.

for god's friggin sake what the hell did i do this time? i didn't ask for an to go up and ask him that, i didn't ask for ab to go and ask why he broke up with me, or millie to send those messages. i can't work out quite what happened.
this sucks. i dont even get it. if i'd hooked up with some other guy, or even if I'D broken up with HIM it'd be understandable. but no, he broke up with me and now he's cutting me out of his life, so i must ave done something wrong.
ahh well..
'i'll
get by
without
your smile.
and i'll
get through
without
you.

on a lighter note, i am so incredibly mad at w i can truthfully say i'm almost over him. I deleted most of our texts last night, and i don't even regret it yet.
i'd so much love to go out with aj.
he's so much better than w in almost every way.
sure, he might not increase my rep at all, but as if that matters at all. and he may be short, but he's still taller than me :L
he's not ugly, and he doesnt have w's annoying teeth thank god.
he is really deep and can be serious or funny. i find myself always wanting to make him smile because its so rare- not coz he isnt happy but because he's the kind of person who doesnt laugh out loud at evey ridiculous thing (ie, me). we can have really interesting conversations that aren't awkward at all and he makes me smile alot.
so, things arent all bad, despite what an arse w has made of himself.

ttyL
and w if you read this (by some miraculous chance)
i dont miss you. i miss your memory.
faggot.

xx